Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
