He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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