i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
