the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
