I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
