Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
