It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
