you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
