Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
