he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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