Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize