If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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