I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
its liver damage thursday
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
