i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
