i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
