my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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