she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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