No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
