in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
