He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
