some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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