Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize