he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
