so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
