New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
