before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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