In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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