dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
