i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
