I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sober January is a disaster.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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