i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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