just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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