I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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