She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
