I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
