I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
