it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
birth control should be required to get into college
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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