i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize