I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
