I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
