i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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