Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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