Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i drank out of a bidet.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
