I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
