i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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