I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
