My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
