Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
