last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
