I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
