I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Boobs speak an international language.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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