Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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