Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
