Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
