When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
