i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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