One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so let's talk penis.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
