i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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