I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
