Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
