Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
