Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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