You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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