Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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