When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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